Faith vs Fear

by A Widow's Might on May 14, 2012

By Julie Wright

He has delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Fear; to worry, has anxiety, irresolution, dread, mistrust, apprehension as defined by Webster.  My definition; one of Satan’s greatest tools.

Ever since that dreadful day on September 5, 2009, when I learned of my husband and father-in-law’s deaths, my widow heart has been heavy with fear.  It started that day.  How will I provide for our children?  How will I be able to take care of a home on my own?  How will I pay for a double funeral?  How will I be able to get up each and every day without him?  The questions went on and on.

Some days the questions seemed to consume my every thought.  Actually, there have been days that I allowed the “fear” to cripple me to the point where I couldn’t sleep.  There was a period of time when I was happy to get two to three hours of sleep a night and still somehow manage to function at work and keep up with the ever demanding needs of the children and more.  All because of fear.

Over time, the questions have changed but the cause has not.  Should I leave our home for a new one?  Should I step out and have a date?  What will my friends think?  Still worse, what will my children think?

I have always considered myself to have a strong “faith” if you will. I put my trust in a God who has always loved me, provided for me, and offered me hope when there seemed to be none.  I know that this faith has grown over time through the study of His Word and friends and colleagues He has placed in my path.  But, Satan still manages to sneak his way in and take hold of my heart in the deepest, lowest points.  He is the master of fear.

Faith vs. Fear. It’s been a battle that has been going on since the beginning of time.  Look at Eve.  She knew that she should have bitten the fruit from the tree, but that snake was just so convincing.  Once that bite was made, fear entered her being.  She feared the Lord.  She feared what He would say, what He would do, and what He would think.  We all have been there along this widowhood journey.  It is the one constant that follows us along like a lost puppy looking for a good home.  Fear is one of Satan’s greatest tools.

How do we win the battle of faith vs. fear?  The answer is simple, put on the full armor of God.  Dig deep into His word and cling to the hem of his gown even when it seems that the gown is unraveling and you are barely holding on to a thread.

Fear is simply:

F-Fully

E-Engaging in

A-Alternate

R-Reasoning

Fear is not trusting God.

I have found that the scriptures bring me the most comfort during the deepest and darkest battles. Take a moment to remind yourself of these battle winning truths.

He has delivered me from all my FEARS. Psalm 34:4

Therefore I will not FEAR.  Psalm 46:2

Be strong, do not FEAR.  Isaiah 35:4

Do not FEAR.  I am with you.  Isaiah 41:10

He says, “Do not FEAR.”  Isaiah 41:13

FEAR not, I have redeemed you.  Isaiah 43:1

You have nothing to FEAR.  Isaiah 54:4

Perfect love drives out FEAR.  1John 4:18

The final scripture is our answer to the battle.  PERFECT LOVE drives out FEAR.  God’s love, the only perfect love there has ever been and ever will be.  Make a choice this week to focus on God’s truth as you face your battles of fear.  Don’t allow Satan to win by crippling you in your emotions, your body, or your life.

What fears are you facing along this widowhood journey?  What scriptures have you found to help you get your fears under control and put God back in the driver’s seat? Share with me the fears you have dealt with or are still struggling with.  Together we can claim victory over Satan and encourage one another in God’s perfect love.

P.S.  It is without fear, that I wish to share with you all, that God has sent an amazing new love into my family’s life.  Fear allowed me to cripple myself in sharing with you the journey of our relationship.  I allowed my fears of what others might think or say to take over the truth of what God has shown us.

Bobby is an amazing Christian man who has been a part of our lives and family before it ever began.  He has helped our family to heal, to laugh, to smile, and to be filled with joy again.  He has been answer to my prayers and fears and now he is my new earthly helpmate.  Yes, I have remarried…a fear that I never imagined I would overcome.

I will share more about this long, unexpected part of my journey with you later, but for right now I can fearlessly say, “I’m Mrs. Julie Wright.”  Yes, I have heard all the jokes…I’ve found Mr. Wright and I’ve covered the fundamentals going from Reed to Wright, but seriously, I’m so grateful that God allowed this man to come into our family’s lives and bless us in unimaginable ways.  Battle on, my friends, battle on!  Face your fears, one scripture filled battle at a time.

{ 4 comments }

One Year

by A Widow's Might on May 8, 2012

By Leah Gillen

It came. It went. The one year anniversary of my husband’s suicide. I had been preparing for last Friday (May 4) almost since May 4, 2011. I didn’t know what to expect. How would I feel? Would it be a day of tears? Would I feel a sense of relief that I completed a year of “the firsts”?

Ahh…the firsts…

The first time I attended church without him

The first time I slept in our bed alone

My first wedding anniversary as a new widow

The first Thanksgiving

The first Easter

His first birthday in Heaven

The first Christmas

The first time I laid eyes on his gravestone after being placed in the ground

The first time I went to visit my in-laws, and he didn’t accompany me

My first birthday as a widow

The first Valentine’s Day

And…of course…the first anniversary of his death

The list is endless. The “firsts” could go on and on it seems. I had a year full of them. And, I was somewhat disappointed to learn that “the seconds” are often worse than the firsts. Seriously? That’s not what I expected to hear, but I’m trying to be wisely prepared emotionally, or as much as I reasonably can be.

For me, part of that attempt at wise preparation has been tackling my grief experience head-on. I haven’t hidden my grief (okay – maybe parts of it – the parts that need to be strictly between God and me). On the contrary, I’ve tackled it quite openly through any tool I can get my hands on. Prayer, God’s Word, books, people, other widows, counseling, GriefShare, blogging, and journaling have been many of the resources that I’ve employed to aid me through this first year as a suicide widow. I shudder to think the place that I would be emotionally if I had chosen to just sit down, curl up in a ball, and do nothing! That’s not what Chris would want me to do, and it’s certainly not where God wants to find me.

However, the enemy would love to find me there. The deceiver himself would want nothing more than to see me give up on life. If I give up, I’m ineffective for Kingdom work. That’s right were Satan wants me. But God…

God has better plans for me…

Plans to prosper me and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11)

Plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

Plans to rescue me from the mire and not let me sink (Psalm 69:14)

Plans to deliver me from the deep waters (Psalm 69:14)

Plans to protect me with His love and truth (Psalm 40:11)

Plans to guide me and restore comfort to me (Isaiah 57:18)

Plans to make me strong, firm, and steadfast following suffering (1 Peter 5:10)

Friends…I choose to cling to God’s plans for me. I choose NOT to believe the lies of the father of lies. God has never failed me and survival with healing during year one of widowhood has been one of his greatest areas to showcase his timeless faithfulness, grace, and love!

Continue to cling to His truth! Even on the hardest days…even with sobs pouring down your face…cling to Him. Speak His name…Jesus…Jesus…Jesus…at the name of Jesus, the enemy must flee!

{ 8 comments }

Clogged

April 30, 2012

  My Keurig coffee maker stopped working this weekend.  For this coffee lover (translation: addict) this was a dreadful turn of events.   Time on the phone with the Keurig folks revealed the problem.  Water wasn’t getting pulled from the reservoir because the channel was clogged.  The machine turned on and hummed and whirled but at [...]

Read the full article →

Ride it out

April 22, 2012

by Kit Hinkle Judith lost her mother last month.  It was her first profound loss to death in her life. Sure there were others—an acquaintance from her school days or a college professor.  Those were upsetting, but nothing like when someone who’s very presence is woven into your soul dies. Today when I checked in [...]

Read the full article →

Garden Delight by Julie Reed

April 17, 2012

He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat (trouble) comes; its leaves are always green. Jeremiah 17:8 By Julie Reed April 15, 2012 Spring is one of my favorite seasons.  I love to sit out on my patio doing [...]

Read the full article →

My Own Empty Tomb

April 9, 2012

By Leah Gillen As the one-year anniversary of my husband’s suicide rapidly nears (25 days from today, to be exact)…I’ve been doing a lot of pondering. Easter 2011 was our last holiday together, and as we celebrated Easter 2012 just yesterday, I faced many bittersweet emotions. As I pondered Christ’s empty tomb that we, who [...]

Read the full article →

But we had hoped…

April 3, 2012

Three words.  The Easter story begins and ends with three words. The agony of ‘It is finished. ‘ The glory of ‘He is Risen.’ But in between, the skies darkened.  Heads hung in disbelief.  The crowds turned from the cross, unable to bear this twist in God’s redemption story. It wasn’t supposed to be like [...]

Read the full article →

What would it be like if I ever remarried?

March 26, 2012

by Kitty Hinkle There are questions I asked myself after losing Tom:  What would it be like if I ever remarried? Would I even feel allowed, or would it feel like I’ve betrayed my late husband? Would I even want to?  After all, can there really be another who loves me as well as Tom [...]

Read the full article →

Shouldn’t God (Always) be Enough?

March 19, 2012

By LeAnn Rice “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.” – 2 Corinthians 1:4 When I prayed about a verse to share, this is the one that first popped into my thoughts. But probably not for the reason you would think. My mind went to, “Really? ‘Cause I’m not [...]

Read the full article →

Moving on…by Julie Reed

March 13, 2012

Hope you don’t mind me taking off my rose-colored widow glasses and getting a tad real this week.  I feel like sometimes people get the wrong idea by thinking that I’ve just “moved on” or “managed to get it together so quickly” when the cold, hard reality is that widowhood is tough.  I still have [...]

Read the full article →