From Sea to See

By Julie Reed

“Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing? “ Mark 4:38

“Why are you fearful, O you of little faith? What kind of man is this?  Even the winds and waves obey him.” Mark 8:26-27

I’ve been reading over the posts of the past several weeks and the same resounding groans and sadness seem to ring out over and over again.

It’s like a steeple bell’s tone that keeps reverberating through the valley but somehow only widows seem to hear it.

“I’m lonely.”

“I don’t understand why God would “let” this happen.”

“I never imagined my life like this.”

“I can’t do this alone.  It’s hard and it hurts so much still.”

I can relate to all the pain, sadness, loneliness and loss of control. I too stood in that valley covered in tears, questions, and fear.  I knew in my head what was true, right and best, but my heart just wasn’t connecting the dots.  If one more person called me “inspirational or such a testimony” I thought I would punch them.  How Christ-like is that reaction?

I remember thinking, “Really?  Inspirational?  Come to my house late at night and peel the roof off of my home.  Look at me curled up in the bed unable to sleep and crying so hard that I thought my chest would collapse.  Peek in on me in the morning when the sun peers through the window and my first thought is, great….another day without him.”

So, after reading past posts and sifting through my journals from the past 2 ½ years, I wanted to know what changed.  What caused me to go from a curled up ball on my bed each night for weeks on end to a widow who stands tall and confident (on most days)?

Jesus.  That’s my answer, Jesus.

We trod along with our perfect lives, our loving husband and adoring kids.  We go to church. Give back to the community.  Do what we can to make the world a better place and then one day, out of the blue or maybe slowly over time, that life is eroded or turned on its side…all the contents scattered and tossed out on a sea of grief we never thought we would experience.

That’s when we begin to question God.  Do you see me?  Do you care?  Do you see my children and their sadness?  Can you hear my cries and groans?

After all the tears were wiped away and my vision became clearer, I knew deep down in my heart that Jesus loved me.  He was with me IN my circumstances.  God had felt them himself.  God knows how I feel.  He watched his only son die on the cross for me…for me.  Even Jesus cried out to God, “Why have you forsaken me?  Why have you forgotten me?”

The whole earth became dark that day.  God’s grief was just like mine.  Dark, hard, painful.

But then, Jesus conquered the grave.  He arose and helped us to “see” that although this life is tough, painful and sad at times, this earthly life is not the end.  There is HOPE.  There is LOVE.  There is JESUS.  Although he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lam 3:32

Jesus; the name that casts out all fear, doubt and loneliness.  The name that heals our hearts, our minds and gives us the strength we need for each day.

My prayer is that you will be able to “see” one day soon, past the “sea” of grief that surrounds you and know that you are loved, you are special and  that the HOPE of eternity is near.  Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…feel him near.