By Julie Wright
He has delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
Fear; to worry, has anxiety, irresolution, dread, mistrust, apprehension as defined by Webster. My definition; one of Satan’s greatest tools.
Ever since that dreadful day on September 5, 2009, when I learned of my husband and father-in-law’s deaths, my widow heart has been heavy with fear. It started that day. How will I provide for our children? How will I be able to take care of a home on my own? How will I pay for a double funeral? How will I be able to get up each and every day without him? The questions went on and on.
Some days the questions seemed to consume my every thought. Actually, there have been days that I allowed the “fear” to cripple me to the point where I couldn’t sleep. There was a period of time when I was happy to get two to three hours of sleep a night and still somehow manage to function at work and keep up with the ever demanding needs of the children and more. All because of fear.
Over time, the questions have changed but the cause has not. Should I leave our home for a new one? Should I step out and have a date? What will my friends think? Still worse, what will my children think?
I have always considered myself to have a strong “faith” if you will. I put my trust in a God who has always loved me, provided for me, and offered me hope when there seemed to be none. I know that this faith has grown over time through the study of His Word and friends and colleagues He has placed in my path. But, Satan still manages to sneak his way in and take hold of my heart in the deepest, lowest points. He is the master of fear.
Faith vs. Fear. It’s been a battle that has been going on since the beginning of time. Look at Eve. She knew that she should have bitten the fruit from the tree, but that snake was just so convincing. Once that bite was made, fear entered her being. She feared the Lord. She feared what He would say, what He would do, and what He would think. We all have been there along this widowhood journey. It is the one constant that follows us along like a lost puppy looking for a good home. Fear is one of Satan’s greatest tools.
How do we win the battle of faith vs. fear? The answer is simple, put on the full armor of God. Dig deep into His word and cling to the hem of his gown even when it seems that the gown is unraveling and you are barely holding on to a thread.
Fear is simply:
F-Fully
E-Engaging in
A-Alternate
R-Reasoning
Fear is not trusting God.
I have found that the scriptures bring me the most comfort during the deepest and darkest battles. Take a moment to remind yourself of these battle winning truths.
He has delivered me from all my FEARS. Psalm 34:4
Therefore I will not FEAR. Psalm 46:2
Be strong, do not FEAR. Isaiah 35:4
Do not FEAR. I am with you. Isaiah 41:10
He says, “Do not FEAR.” Isaiah 41:13
FEAR not, I have redeemed you. Isaiah 43:1
You have nothing to FEAR. Isaiah 54:4
Perfect love drives out FEAR. 1John 4:18
The final scripture is our answer to the battle. PERFECT LOVE drives out FEAR. God’s love, the only perfect love there has ever been and ever will be. Make a choice this week to focus on God’s truth as you face your battles of fear. Don’t allow Satan to win by crippling you in your emotions, your body, or your life.
What fears are you facing along this widowhood journey? What scriptures have you found to help you get your fears under control and put God back in the driver’s seat? Share with me the fears you have dealt with or are still struggling with. Together we can claim victory over Satan and encourage one another in God’s perfect love.
P.S. It is without fear, that I wish to share with you all, that God has sent an amazing new love into my family’s life. Fear allowed me to cripple myself in sharing with you the journey of our relationship. I allowed my fears of what others might think or say to take over the truth of what God has shown us.
Bobby is an amazing Christian man who has been a part of our lives and family before it ever began. He has helped our family to heal, to laugh, to smile, and to be filled with joy again. He has been answer to my prayers and fears and now he is my new earthly helpmate. Yes, I have remarried…a fear that I never imagined I would overcome.
I will share more about this long, unexpected part of my journey with you later, but for right now I can fearlessly say, “I’m Mrs. Julie Wright.” Yes, I have heard all the jokes…I’ve found Mr. Wright and I’ve covered the fundamentals going from Reed to Wright, but seriously, I’m so grateful that God allowed this man to come into our family’s lives and bless us in unimaginable ways. Battle on, my friends, battle on! Face your fears, one scripture filled battle at a time.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
My husband has been dead for over 5 yrs. He was diagnosed with cancer the end of Sept, and dead before Christmas. God has been so good to us, providing for our every need. I have one son still at home, he will be graduating from hi school in 1 1/2 wks. I’ve been getting a social security check for him since my husband died (I got 2 until he was 16) I will get one for another few months. There is my fear! Only a few more months of the security of knowing we have enough money to pay the bills, including the house pmt.
My prayer is to trust God more, knowing God has a plan to take care of things. He has provided for us, and will continue to provide for us. I KNOW that, but I’m taking the burden back, and am concerned.
While I don’t think a thing about it most of the time, there are times I do, and fret and fuss because I just don’t know what to do, or what will happen. Pray for me that I will trust God more!
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months, and really enjoy it. Its nice reading about the little daily things, and know you really understand! Congratulations on your remarriage. I’m happy for you that you have someone there to shoulder the burdens, and someone to bless you and for you to bless!
Sharon
Sharon,
I can totally relate to your struggle of letting the fear go. Remarriage caused me to lose my S.S. payment as well and that was huge “fear” of mine; wondering if we could make it on my small income, but you know what. God somehow always makes it work. The funds were always there for us and sometimes I had to cut back on my wants vs my needs, but He is the ultimate provider. Take that fear and lay it at the cross and leave it there.
I’m glad that you find connection and comfort with the site as well. I’m always amazed at the incredibly strong women that God sends to this site and how we can all feel so connected and just “get it” with one another no matter the stage of the journey.
I’ll keep you close in prayer and hope that you will completely be able to rest and trust in Him with all your might. Thanks for the warm wishes too!
God Bless!
Julie
I am 2 1/2 years into my widow journey and would have to say that one of my fears is growing old alone. I’ve worked with my personal christian financial adviser and made all of the preparations possible for that time in my life because I do not want my daughters to have to care for me should I ever need that. But, there’s this fear of just being alone – being without my sweet husband by my side. No one understood me like he did.
Thanks, Julie. This is a great word for whatever FEAR we are facing! I love the verses you posted. He tells us over and over NOT to fear, but it is hard to do in some situations. Thanks for being real
John 14:27b “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
This has helped me over and over and over. It is a command of God. As soon as I start fearing that my children will all go wrong without my patient, happy, kind husband to encourage them, the Lord brings this verse to my mind again and I remember that I make the CHOICE to be afraid. Who would do that? But we do. I’m so thankful I can make the choice to NOT be afraid. In fact, I get the most help from the fact that the verse says LET not your heart be afraid or troubled. You actually have some control here. If Satan knocks at the door, we can let him see through the window that GOD is standing right next to us and he can just get off our porch! A missionary wife friend of mine, probably 10 years younger, gave me the companion verse to this:
“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” (Col. 3:15)
PEACE OF GOD. R-U-L-E. Turn over the rulership of your affairs to God and His peace. I am dismayed sometimes when I realize I don’t answer to anyone. I don’t have a father. I don’t have a husband. My brothers are not Christians. I don’t believe I should obey someone else’s husband (even a pastor) in the everyday little things. That leaves me not accountable to anyone. But wait! I am accountable to God. He still cares whether I clean house or eat out too much or criticize the children. I am working on remembering to submit to the rulership of God. I will receive peace as a result!
I have been a widow for almost 1 1/2 years. I dread being alone even one more year. But I truly believe God knows how long I must wait until I am prepared to be a blessing to a man again. I want to NOW. But if I rush God, I may miss the one He chose for me and the one He chose me for. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with loneliness. I want to scold all the wives at church for complaining about their husbands. But I am learning a lot by meditating on my past and their presents and talking it all over with God. I fear that I may mess up the life of another man. We just HAVE to trust God.
Well, I’m rambling, but I wanted to share my verse and I guess I just needed to let out some of the thoughts that have built up. I’m happy for your remarriage. Glory to God!
I have been a widow since 7/01/1998. My husband died in a car crush and he died on the spot. I was left with two sets of twins the elder set was five turning six and the other was three turning four. It was difficult and still is as the responsibilities get bigger because of education and wanting to give the kids a chance in life. I have learned to consult God in every decision I have to make. Society will ALWAYS talk but the funny thing is if it turns out good they again are the first people to congradulate you. It is a difficult thing being as widow. You lose most of your friends and you feel very lonely. I wouldnt wish it on anyone because if the terrible things it brings. I would love to have girlfriends like you guys that will encourage me through it ALL. tHANKS FOR YOUR POSTS.
This is great site. Blessing to you. God is agape.
Ever since I have gotten back from college I’ve been trying to draw myself closer to Christ. But this seems to draw the Devil to. The doctor say that I have anxiety, I keep having feelings that life isn’t real and this is just a dream. Satan is on a mission to attack my mind!!! he keeps saying Gods not real and this pain won’t end. A couple days ago he told me the best way to get out of this is to commit suicide the spirit of evil was so strong I was so scared and ran crying to my mind. I need encouragement throughout this battle! I don’t want to fear I know the lord has me but I keep wanting to give up!!!
My Dear Latosha,
We all want to give up from time to time, that is normal. The spirit of evil is strong but it is never more powerful then God. Call out His name when you feel attacked. Evil can’t be in the presence of God.
You were strong enough to reach out, you will be strong enough to conquer this battle.