by Leah Gillen
I look for God everywhere. Truly…I do.
If you consider that the God of the Universe was the Creator of all that we can lay our eyes upon, then we’re bound to see His fingerprints everywhere…if we just look for Him.
Early in my grief walk, I didn’t have to struggle to see Him. He showed up everywhere for me.
Through surprises left on my front porch.
Through heart-shaped rocks.
The list is endless. It seemed He knew I needed to see deeper evidence of His presence during those very difficult early weeks and months. We almost had our own little private love language. I sought Him, and I found Him…just like His Word promises (Jeremiah 29:13).
As I continued down Grief Road, however, I sensed God wanting to me to look a little deeper for Him…on my own. He continued to comfort me…He never left me…but, He wanted more than a surface level seeking of Him from me (even as I grieved). So, I spent more time in His Word…I spent longer time in prayer. I continued to find Him.
Many months later, I found I was doing pretty well “on my own”. Or – so I thought. Allow me to be a little transparent, if you will.
A great healing from the agony of grief had taken root, and as it did, my reliance on Him didn’t go away, but it certainly decreased a little. I started carrying some of my own battles again. I even began taking credit for some minor victories. Yes. I admit it. For the first time during this widowhood journey, I was a bit too self-reliant. But God…
He didn’t allow that to linger too long. I’m so thankful for that. It wasn’t long before I returned to His lap, crying tears of repentance for neglecting some of our time together, for not being as diligent as I had been, and for settling for less of Him. His forgiveness and mercy washed all over me, and we began walking hand-in-hand again.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to fly out-of-state for a quick weekend trip. As the plane began its descent into my final destination, I noticed the beautiful sunset from above the clouds. I simply stared, knowing that God wanted me to see something else from this viewpoint. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of it. It was absolutely stunning. And…to think, I would have never seen this view of the sunset from underneath the clouds.
“What is it, Lord?” I asked him. “What is it that you want me to see?”
Daughter, never forget this view. When the times come, as they have this past year through the grief of your beloved Chris’ death, when you don’t understand My ways…when you don’t understand My perspective…when you just want answers to things that don’t make sense…remember this view. Allow it to remind you that most of the time, you can’t see the things that I see. You can’t understand My ways, because they are out of your scope of understanding. Your perspective of life is limited by your “under the clouds” viewpoint. Every now and then, I may give you a glimpse above the clouds. But, trust that just because you can’t always see it…the sun still sets. Just because you can’t always see evidences of My presence, I’m always with you. Just because life makes no sense at times and seems very, very unfair – I’m still sovereign, I still have you in the palm of My hand, and I love you with an everlasting love.
Thank you Father for that beautiful “above the clouds” glimpse of your setting sun last Friday evening and the sweet, teachable moment you gave your daughter. I love you, Abba!