My garage door broke recently. A few days ago I lifted the huge creaking door in order to walk the trash to the curb. Back in the garage I reached up to drag the door down, down, down.
And then- darkness. Complete and utter darkness.
The door to the house had slammed shut behind me. Between me and that door was a 25 foot pitch black obstacle course of bikes and pool toys and coolers and lawn care tools. (side note – we are not a ‘tidy garage’ family 
). My eyes strained to adjust to the darkness and seek out any small liver of light.
Suddenly this garage blackout experience felt a whole lot like my life.
I remembered the moment nine years ago when my once sweet, funny, handsome husband lay on an emergency room gurney. I remember the doctor’s slow hesitant words, ‘We did everything we could, Mrs. Hiles’. I remember the darkness that seemed to swallow me. A darkness so encompassing that I felt like I could barely breathe. I remember looking for the light, some light, any light to bring hope to this impossible reality.
Walking back into my home from the hospital nine years ago, little glimmers of light began to flicker in the darkness. Military paperwork that magically got sorted out by the right person at the right time. The wag of our dog’s tail. Kisses from my girls. Phone calls and love and hugs at just the right time. Chicken enchiladas delivered on a particularly difficult day – Dave’s favorite dish. Opening my Bible to a verse that shouted peace and provision and hope for the future. Glimmers of hope that God was still there and a new normal was maybe somehow possible.
Back to the present, standing in my dark garage. I was reminded of the same journey I walked through darkness nine years ago. Now, as then, I needed to do two things:
Go toward the light. The only way to get of the dark garage was to walk toward the glimmer of light. There have to be things that continue to shine hope and peace into our days. Things that show us God’s faithfulness and remind us of His truth. 
Sometimes we just have to look for them. Seek Him through His word daily. Look for things that you can choose to be thankful for, even something as simple as an early morning cup of coffee or air conditioning that works! Our praise brings His presence.
• Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatsoever things are true and lovely and of good report , think on these things Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
• Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Bring us news in the morning, Lord of your faithfulness. Psalm 143:8 (NIV)
Remember what you know. Just as I had to carefully navigate a cluttered garage by trying to remember where things were located, we need to remember what we know. Even in the face of the impossible, God’s truth is still God’s truth. It all really comes back to that children’s prayer most of learned as a kid: ‘God is great, God is good’. Do we really believe that? I know, I know, sometimes it is so hard! Me, too. I strongly urge you to start keeping a journal, and if you have one, go back and read of His faithfulness.
• The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 (NIV)
• You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head from despair. Psalm 3:3 (NIV)
And finally…
• GOD, you are bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live,
my rescuing knight. My God—the high crag where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout.
I sing to GOD, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved. Psalm 18:2-3 (Message)
God as our rescuing knight, guarding our castles? I love that imagery!
Wherever you are in your journey, whether stumbling through smothering darkness or hesitantly walking in glimmers of light, know that He is with you….and that your sister’s all over the world are shoulder to shoulder beside you as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s probably a good idea to get out there and clean out that garage!
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Danita,
THANK YOU!!!!
I so understand the metaphor about the garage and the darkness. I am amazed at how quickly on this grief journey that the “lights” seem to go out when you least expect it. How even in my “darkness” I know God is there but it just doesn’t “feel” like enough most of the time.
Thank you for the beautiful picture as a visual reminder.
May I say to you how sorry I am that nine years ago your “light” went out but you are now shining so “brightly” for the rest of us.
The link below has a picture that just spoke to me instantly. It reminds me of what God is doing for me on my journey. After your post today I thought of it again and I wanted to share. Hopefully the link will work.
http://womensrunning.com/2012/09/news/beauty-queen-turned-paralympic-athlete_6079
Your words are so timely as I go through today, what should have been our 30th wedding anniversary. I will be meditating on your words today.
Dear Colleen,
I am so sorry that you didn’t get to celebrate your 30th!
Be especially kind to yourself today. Honor the memories of your marriage in a way that only you know will bring a “bittersweet” comfort to your aching heart.
Colleen, thinking of you as you look back on 30 years. I pray you had some joy of memory amidst the tears. Thank you Betty for your sweet words. You are right, our trust is based on fact more than those feelings that come and go. And some days are easier than others. Thank you, Jill B for the link. I look forward to checking it out. It is a treasure to walk this journey with you ladies.
Danita, that description of the dark feeling of being swallowed up when they told you at the hospital…. how many of us have had that experience. Brings me chills.
Danita,
Well, you did it again…touching my soul with your beautiful words
We’ve all been there, you and I at the hospital, others at similar locations, whenever we were told our husbands had gone to heaven.
Thank God for the glimmers of light, of hope, and of joy, in the midst of such darkness.
Hugs to you, friend!
Nancy
Danita,
My precious, handsome and wonderful husband Brad died from non-hogkins lymphoma four years ago on Sept 1st. He was only 51 years old and we had been married nearly 23years. I relate all to well to how you describe the darkness that enveloped me when we first heard the doctor say he had cancer…again when we were told it had returned…and when it returned a third time that led to his death. That darkness still attempts to trap me even now.
Yet, God knowing my darkest thoughts is always faithful to shed His light of faithfulness and truth into my heart. His light guides me through the “clutter” of my doubts and fears and delivers me safely inside His Word…which is filled with promise and hope…revealing His provisions tailored made just for me… for each moment of each day.
I have found the Lord has blessed me through my struggles inside of sorrow with writing down and sharing many of the things He has revealed to my heart about His faithfulness and love. It not only helps in encouraging me…but I have discovered it has encouraged others as well….all to His glory.
In 2010 I shared “Weight of Glory” in a blog I began writing.(The address is above under Website). It speaks about how one morning months after my husband’s painful death, God answered a tormenting question I woke up with each day. If you feel so incline…I would love to share it with you…it changed forever how I see things in the dark…
Regardless…thank you for sharing “A Glimmer of Hope”…you are a blessing.
Kathy
Dear Danita,
I have also been throught that ‘dark place’ of death of a spouse… I truly do NOT think I could have survived those dark days without my faith in God. It’s something that we always just think happens to other people, but it hit me and hit me HARD!
This was not the first dark place I had been through, and most probably won’t be the last. I’m just sooo thankful to know that HE walks beside me evey step of the way, and even if I stumble…He will pick me up and carry me if He has to.
Thanks for the post,
Diane R.
God knew how much I’ve needed these words this week. It’s come through my Facebook account twice. I heard those tragic words at the hospital five months ago yesterday when my husband was suddenly taken Home. And then I had to turn around and say them to our children (all still living at home).
Dear Danita, I just read your Glimmer of Hope and it so touched me. I did not pay attention to the author until the end. Your sister in SC , told me about your blog when my husband passed away in September. Thank you for your ministry. I look forward to many more moments to share. This is my first time,and it was a true comfort. God is Faithful.