What helped me to move forward is recognizing that what drew me to my husband is NOT something I’m entitled to. Yes, friends fail me, I have to go to bed alone every night, and I struggle managing my household without a husband. All these would not hurt so badly if I had a husband, but really—do I love Christ enough to surrender the comforts of a husband to Him? Because it’s only when I’m willing to give it up that I will be available to live free from grief and happy again.
Yesterday I wrote about how good God is to bring healing from my wounds of loss, and many of you responded with resounding gratitude for a message of hope—for showing a light at the end of the tunnel, that yes, you can have new life after widowhood!
Along with the gratitude were some questions. Jacquie summed it up beautifully, and I wanted to dedicate the rest of this post to helping her, and possibly you, take a first step towards God’s healing and moving forward.
THANK YOU KIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to move on! I want to be happy! I want to have all that God has for me! It is only 1 year and 9 months and I am still grieving, and I am still sad and I am still adjusting – but I am looking forward to feeling better once my grieving is over. I would love to think that I could have a new relationship at some point and to be excited about life again. Thank you for reminding me that it is a journey and that ‘life after grief’ is possible. I can’t wait for the brick I carry in my chest to go away. Can you remember Kit – when acceptance came and you felt it okay to be alone?
Jacquie, what helped me was deciding that my longing for my husband had to be healed by turning it over to a God, Who can heal.
We may have first been drawn to our husbands for the right reasons, but soon our flesh became attached to our earthly husbands, and as so many of you so beautifully put yesterday, in order to live life abundantly, you must surrender ALL of yourself to the Lord—even that attachment.
Please don’t misunderstand what that surrender means. It doesn’t mean not to grieve. Remember that when Lazarus died, Jesus wept. For me, grieving was a necessary step towards surrendering my attachment to my husband. But the mourning will eventually need to subside, and for it to subside, you must give up something–your attachment to being a wife.
If that troubles you, consider this—the Lord Jesus Christ wasn’t just God’s Son, He was God Himself, in the flesh. Not a king, not just some powerful dude—this is the Creator of the Universe. But He surrendered all of that to become fully man, and then surrendered riches and comforts to walk among us with nothing but Truth on Him. And then He surrendered even His final breath to die in the most publically humiliating and physically tormenting way.
Why did He do all of that? When you really look at what He did, it’s pretty raw—talk about pain, and loneliness and misery! He gets how you feel!
I knew why, even before the Gospel was explained to me. Because deep down inside, even before a believing Christian spelled it out for me, I knew that no matter how sweet I was, or how well I followed the rules and made sure I was a good girl, I had prideful motives in my gut. Christ knew that—knew we were lost and knew we were all sinners and would have to pay for our sins. But He didn’t want us to, so He took that punishment for us.
Funny thing, ladies, I grew up in a church that explained this to me, but it never really dawned on me until I was older that in order to really receive His salvation, I needed to acknowledge Him, acknowledge how messed up I was without Him, tell him how sorry I am for it, and then surrender to Him—everything. Then, and only then, could I walk through life not expecting everything to happen for me, but to accept everything He allows as a gift from Him. It’s all His.
So here’s the bottom line: What helped me to move forward is recognizing that what drew me to my husband is NOT something I’m entitled to. Yes, friends fail me, I have to go to bed alone every night, and I struggle managing my household without a husband. All these would not hurt so badly if I had a husband, but really—do I love Christ enough to surrender the comforts of a husband to Him? Because it’s only when I’m willing to give it up that I will be available to live free from grief and happy again.
If I really believe He died for me so that I can have eternal life, then I am willing to accept I’m not entitled to my husband.
And I do believe Christ died for me. And He did. And so began the beginning of the light at the end of the tunnel!
Ladies, if any of you are like I was as an adult never having the experience of letting Christ into my life and starting over with Him, let me invite you to have one of us ladies on A Widow’s Might Team personally pray with you. Just contact us using the link at the top of this page and tell us you would like to invite Christ into your heart and begin anew. We will pray with you and help you on your road to healing. Loving you sisters, so deeply! –Kit