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“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18 (NIV)

It has been two years since that terrible night in December, just four days before Christmas. That night forever changed my family. In the blink of an eye, my forty-six year old husband suffered sudden cardiac arrest and entered heaven right before my eyes. My two daughters and I were left heartbroken and stunned.

I did not choose this path but was also not a stranger to pain. My mother joined heaven at the age of thirty-nine after a five year battle with breast cancer. I was only twenty and was just three months from my wedding day.

So, pain I knew. God’s provision and goodness I also knew.

This tragedy was so sudden and so unexpected and so very painful that it knocked me completely to the ground.

In the days, weeks, and months following that night, I clung to Jesus and continue to cling to him. Because I did not choose this path and everything about this awful pain felt contrary to the goodness of God, I had to review the things I knew to be true about God. The question of why was constantly on my mind. We had been married almost twenty-five years and had been high school sweethearts. He had recently started a ministry teaching weight training to youth. And he was making a huge impact in some young kids’ lives.

Life was oh so good.

I believe God is big enough to handle any question or emotion we have, but I also know it isn’t healthy to live in the land of why. God ever so gently through His word changed my “why” question to a “what” question. Romans 8:18 says “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

What did God want to do in me and through me?

What does he want to do in and through you?

If we focus on the “what” of the situation and allow God to transform us, we can be used by Him and for His kingdom. We may never know the “why” of our tragedy this side of heaven, but if we focus on the “what”…the “why” can never hold us captive.

“My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to your word (NIV).“
Psalm 119:28 (NIV)

I encourage you to pour out your sorrow to God, who loves you so very much, and allow His word to strengthen you and listen for His voice. He will guide you in the “what” He has for you. Your story and mine aren’t finished yet. What if we chose to trust Him and allow Him to transform us? How could we impact others for His glory?

Dear Lord, we bring our broken hearts and all of our questions to You and ask that you strengthen us and show us, one day at a time, what You have for us. We surrender our plan for our lives to You and ask that You guide us and give us a new vision. Thank You for seeing each one of us and for loving and caring so deeply for us. Amen